What are values? Why are personal values important?
Values are what matters most to us at our innermost core. They are who we want to be and what we want our life to be about. Our personal values are our source of meaning/purpose, joy, and pain. They include the aspects of life most important to us (e.g., family, friends, romantic partnership, recreation, religion, career, education, etc.), character traits we strive to embody (e.g., caring, compassionate, honest, humorous, etc.), and character traits we value seeing in those we surround ourselves with (e.g., caring, non-judgemental, kind, loving, etc.).
What are my values? Why is it important to identify my personal values?
Think about the experiences that bring you the most joy, meaning, and/or pain. They are almost certainly tied to your value, something you care about deeply, something very important to you. It is important to identify your personal values so that you are aware of what brings meaning to your life. This will help you know where to turn when feeling lost or confused.
To identify your core personal values, try asking yourself the following prompts:
What matters most to you? What is most important to you? How do you want to spend your time? Who do you want to be? What traits do you want to embody? What do you want to be known for?
What traits do you want to see in those you have deep relationships with? What traits are you looking for in friendships, family members, and other relationships?
Your responses to these prompts are likely your personal values.
Committed Action to Values
Once you have identified your personal values, it is important to consider how you can commit to your core values through action and engagement. Research on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy outcomes has demonstrated that living in line with our core values improves psychological well-being. Committed action to one’s values is the means of living in line with our values. Part of committed action to one’s values is accepting that values come with both positive and negative emotional experiences.
For example, if we value something or someone (i.e., raising a child), we will likely experience inevitable painful emotions (i.e., worry, concern, stress), along with all of the joys this value also brings (i.e., deep love, laughter, seeing them happy). Unfortunately, we cannot have one without the other, as deep caring about the value cultivates positive and painful emotional experiences. Getting rid of the painful experiences associated with a value would mean getting rid of the care we feel for that value. Sometimes, experiencing the painful emotions and/or thoughts associated with a value contributes to our sense of meaning and purpose in life. It can be helpful to “make meaning” of our painful experiences by attaching them to a value. Try these steps:
- Notice the uncomfortable or painful experience (i.e., feelings, thoughts, behaviors, memories)
- Attach it to a value – what value or thing that you care about is this related to?
- Validate/normalize- remind yourself this uncomfortable/painful feeling makes sense because it is related to something you care deeply about.
- Make Meaning- This may be the pain you want in your life if it moves you towards a value. If it is moving you away from a value, how can you shift yourself toward the value? (even if it also is painful/difficult)
- Take Action- continue intentional, committed action to the given value. Ask yourself- how would a bystander know you are engaging with this value? Can you set a concrete intention to act on this week?
Example:
- I’m noticing I’m feeling worried about my husband’s safety while he travels for work
- This is related to my value, care, and love for my husband and our family.
- It makes sense that I am worried while he is traveling across the world. I care deeply about his safety and wellbeing.
- I want this pain because I value a deep, life partnership. I also value my family and our financial well-being. My husband’s work travel is necessary for his career and, subsequently, our family’s finances. I can also take the perspective that he could be away often or in dangerous situations with other careers.
(Alternative example- if I was acting on this worry by avoiding… for example, making my husband stay home; that would be action away from these related values) - I will continue to accept any worry about my husband’s work travel as an inevitable part of caring for the associated values. I will continue to talk to him on the phone while he is away once daily to catch up. By accepting and making meaning of this experience, it may actually reduce the frequency and intensity of my worry.
