Trying to conceive usually starts out sweet. You let yourself imagine it: a due date in spring, telling your family, finally getting to be the one with news. But when month after month passes without a positive test, that sweet feeling starts to get heavy. Suddenly, your brain starts spinning. Did you wait too long? Is something wrong? Is your body broken? And every time a friend shares her news, it stings more than you expect. Every trip to the drugstore to buy yet another test feels humiliating in a way you can’t explain. That weight is real. And at some point, carrying it alone becomes too much. That’s when people reach out to fertility therapists for someone to finally sit with them in the hard part.
Why Trying to Conceive Can Cause Anxiety
Fertility anxiety is the intense stress, worry, and fear that people may experience when individuals are trying to conceive. Underlying stressors from tracking and planning and the potential of infertility and “imperfect” pregnancies can trigger deep anxiety at any point in time during conception and pregnancy journeys. And, although fertility and pregnancy conversations often focus on women, men also frequently experience fertility anxiety—it’s just discussed less openly.
Common Triggers
- The process of getting pregnant often includes meticulous planning and tracking of the female’s cycle and frequent testing. What starts as being proactive can quickly turn into hyperawareness of every bodily sensation and every passing day on the calendar. Hyperawareness in combination with the idea that everything needs to be “perfect” fuels anxiety.
- The fear of infertility or something wrong in either partner’s body can also fuel anxiety. Especially when plans and dreams have a certain schedule, pregnancy not occurring as quickly as hoped can cause anxiety. But remember that just because pregnancy isn’t occurring right away doesn’t mean that infertility is the cause. Fertility and conception can happen on a different timeline for everyone due to a ton of colliding factors.
- Individuals who have had previous miscarriages, medical trauma, or problematic pregnancies can also experience fertility anxiety. Trying to conceive can bring up deep layers of grief, fear, and protective worry to the point that even moments of joy feel guarded.
- The lack of control while trying to conceive can also be a trigger for anxiety. Trying to conceive often requires effort and intention, but even then, it is not guaranteed. This uncertainty can feel discouraging and unstable when conception is something that is strongly desired. And, when something so personal feels out of your control, anxiety often becomes a response as a way to regain control.
And, although fertility and pregnancy conversations often focus on women, men also frequently experience fertility anxiety—it’s just discussed less openly. Men can also experience infertility medically and may feel left out of the conversation. This can lead to feelings of stress, anxiety, and fear that further fuel infertility issues. This can also lead to men feeling inadequate or less of a man due to social pressures to provide for a family.
Can Stress and Anxiety Cause Infertility?
Stress and anxiety cannot cause infertility, but there is evidence to show a relationship between the two.
For women, heightened stress and anxiety can cause difficulty conceiving, which in turn prolongs the amount of time needed to get pregnant. This is due to increased levels of stress hormones, which can disrupt body processes needed for pregnancy, like ovulation.
For men, heightened stress and anxiety can cause negative changes to testosterone levels and sperm count/quality.
Healthy Ways to Cope with Anxiety About Fertility
Fertility anxiety can be overwhelming and, at times, debilitating. Whether you are actively trying to conceive or lingering in a waiting window, it is extremely important to take care of your mind and body.
Simple tips to relieve stress with natural fertility therapy:
- Eat Healthy
Eating healthy during this time can help you in many ways. A balanced diet not only can help to keep your body healthy but can also help you to lower stress levels and get pregnant. Reducing caffeine, sugar, and starch intake should be the main focus, as they can trigger stress hormones. Additionally, prioritizing nutrient-rich whole foods is also key.
- Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions
Emotions can be heavy when trying to conceive, with moments of joy and sadness striking at any moment. It is important to take the time to acknowledge, understand, and accept your feelings during these times. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that come with trying to conceive, even the difficult ones.
- Set Boundaries
Outside pressure can be a huge trigger of stress and anxiety about fertility, and setting boundaries with friends and family is extremely important. Seeing others succeed in conception while you are fighting your own struggles can be discouraging, even when you want to feel joy for others. That is totally okay. Friends and family may also ask questions about your plans to have children, which can serve as a trigger as well. If you aren’t ready to share the details of your journey, simply stating “we’ll let you know when it’s time” can be a nice way of signaling that you’re not interested in talking about it.
- Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
Practicing relaxation techniques can help you to take time for yourself each day. Deep breathing and guided meditation are great ways to ground yourself when you feel like you are losing control.
When to Consider Reaching Out to Fertility Therapists
You don’t need to hit a breaking point first. Some people just want support before things get worse.
It might be time if:
- The anxiety or sadness around all of this won’t let up
- You’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy
- Worry is taking over your days, or panic shows up out of nowhere
- You and your partner feel distant or keep snapping at each other
- Every pregnancy announcement ruins your week and you’re pulling away from friends
- Daily stuff like work or just getting out of bed feels harder
- Treatment decisions, failed cycles or loss have you spinning
- You’re unsure how to handle big choices, like using donor eggs or sperm
- If you ever think about hurting yourself, get help immediately
You’re not broken for needing someone to talk to. You’re just human. Fertility therapists can help you manage the anxiety without letting it swallow everything else.
Ready to Feel Less Alone in This?
The road to parenthood probably doesn’t look like you thought it would. It’s harder. It’s heavier. And you weren’t really prepared for how much it would get into your head. At Embrace Now, we’re fertility therapists who get that. We help with the fertility anxiety that creeps in when you least expect it. We help with the fertility treatment anxiety that makes appointments feel unbearable. You don’t have to sit in this alone. Reach out when you’re ready.
Reviewed by Dr. Sandra, Licensed Psychologist
Frequently Asked Questions About Fertility therapists
A1. It can. Anxiety triggers stress hormones that can throw off your cycle and make ovulation less predictable, which might mean it takes longer to conceive. And because the struggle to get pregnant can ramp up anxiety even more, it’s one of those things that can spiral if you don’t address it.
A2. They can. Both can interfere with ovulation and sperm quality by altering the hormones your body relies on. The upside is that getting help for these conditions doesn’t just ease your mind; it can improve your chances of getting pregnant.
A3. It does. Prolonged stress can delay ovulation and lower sperm count, which chips away at your chances month after month. To make it harder, infertility itself brings a lot of stress, so the two tend to feed off each other.
A4. Some might have a minor effect on fertility, but it’s usually not dramatic. The bigger piece is that untreated anxiety can be just as hard on your body when you’re trying to conceive, so never stop your meds without talking to your doctor.
Free Consultation With Fertility Therapists.
Schedule a free 10 minute consultation call with Fertility therapists, Dr. Sandra Ostroff.
Dr. Sandra Ostroff specializes in evidence-based therapies for anxiety disorders, phobias, panic disorder, and OCD