Do you find yourself needing reassurance on how you are doing/if you are doing a good job. You’re not alone. Humans are self-aware beings, we are aware that we are being perceived by others.. and we naturally want that perception to be good. For some of us with anxiety, this can result in a strong need to be reassured that we are doing a good job/that people are pleased with us.
Here’s some things to think about:
1) We can never be 100% certain on if we are doing a good job or not. Even IF someone tells us good job, they could not be telling the truth or could be wrong.
2) A belief of “If I do a good job, then I will get positive results/praise” can contribute to a need for reassurance.
3) When you have the urge to seek reassurance from someone — remind yourself:
- Reassurance only provides temporary relief, and winds up making us want even more reassurance over time (like a kid in a candy shop)
- Even reassurance or praise will not provide 100% certainty that I did a good job.
- I CAN do a good job and NOT get praise. Whether or not I get praise after a task, does NOT change how I did on the task.
- All I can do is my best on each task I am presented with. All I can control is taking action everyday with my best foot forward. I have faith in myself that this is enough.
4) All humans do need affirmation/validation. This is different than reassurance. We can express our need for affirmation to people in our lives, and even structure time (i.e., a weekly check-in/weekly meeting) to share and receive positive affirmations.
The difference between reassurance seeking and affirmation:
- Reassurance = main goal is to reduce uncertainty.
- Affirmation= way of showing and receiving love/care, way of showing understanding/feeling understood.
We can affirm/validate someone without reassuring them.
Example: Affirmation; “I really value your efforts on our team” Reassurance: “You did a good job on this.”
